Question meme

[ironicusername]

Question meme since Dirk is almost at 1000 and it has absolutely been a month since the last one you don't need to fact check me on this.

Primarily for Dirk Strider/Ruby Twinkle and Yuri Lowell.

And anyone else I play.

Oh right appearance update and some general info on mannerisms for Dirk.

Comments

[andcounting]

What are Dirk's first impressions of Ned?

[ironicusername]

PROBABLY THE FAVORITE TEAM MATE... Dirk was really not expecting to be understood or comforted about the situation with the game since it was so nuanced so Ned sort of slipped under his guard there and he was really grateful for it, because he did kind of feel like shit. He was really flattered and, what's a word here, maybe pleased??? That Ned took the time and attention to find out what was going on and to talk through it with him. And he did it in such a soothing way! It was nice.

Now, with the recent Heliodor feelingsjam--he was not aware Ned had that capacity for RAW FEELINGS because he had struck him as so calm. It was... interesting, and weirdly affecting. Like he told Jason, he himself probably couldn't break down like that. Not out of bravado, or disdain--he definitely doesn't see it as weak--but simply as an issue of not being wired like that. But it seems like it would be kind of nice to have that kind of mass cathartic release instead of just constantly adding things to his to do list (Everyone ever dead back home? Bro in the book? People being snagged by Darkness? All things Dirk Strider has resolved to fix). So, the total breakdown really did nothing but strengthen Dirk's opinion of Ned as a really good guy, emotionally competent and rational dude who he can trust.

And let's face it Ned, none of your traits are lessened by the fact that you are a smoking hot older dude.

Reverse?

[andcounting]

Ned has a really positive impression of Dirk so far! In the discussion about the game, he came across as thoughtful, willing to try to reexamine his views, and generally interested in making sure everyone got fair treatment, all of which Ned really respects.

Dirk's lack of affect and generally stand-offish body language don't bother Ned; he has strong memories of being extremely wary about touch and also deliberately closed off himself, and just kind of assumes the kid has his reasons. He also doesn't equate lack of affect with lack of emotion! So with Dirk he just tries really hard to pay attention to his actual words, more than expression or body language, which meant when Dirk mentioned that he was taken aback and hurt by the way the game went, Ned immediately took that at face value. And then wanted to help because Heliodor has turned him into some kind of emotionally open dad figure, I don't even know.

As for the Heliodor feelingsjam, Ned was really touched that Dirk would come over and give him water and pat his shoulder, especially after the previous evidence of being not necessarily cool with physical contact! Also just because Ned's the adult here, in his own mind, and he really wants to be emotionally competent and rational and reliable, and doesn't necessarily think he succeeds at all.

In that situation, Ned really needed comfort and didn't feel like it was at all appropriate for him to ask for it or break down in the way that he did -- he's not ashamed of his feelings or about displaying them, but he also doesn't think he should burden his kids with them -- but he got it, and the fact that Dirk would make any attempt there at all was a big deal to him.

Also if Dirk ever calls him hot to his face, he will probably die the death. YOU ARE ON HELIODOR AND UNDER 21, YOU ARE ONE OF MY KIDS. (Not in a parental way necessarily, but still.)

How does Dirk feel about Heliodor in general?

[ironicusername]

Dirk's team feelings were very closely linked to his mindset when he entered Aather. He essentially hit the ground running, already had 99 problems taking up all his burners so with the whole team thing it was kind of, Thanks, but no thanks. On top of that he found out pretty quickly that he wasn't a huge fan of being around a ton of people so he essentially fucked off for the first couple of days.

The first game he had with them, despite ending in a clusterfuck, actually started off pretty positively! Obviously Rider and Jason knew how to hustle but they also listening to him. And then AFTERWARD Rider impressed him with how on top of his shit he as, so he was starting to be like--well, ok, maybe U can work with this. During these first couple of days Dirk was also very inward-focused! He had a lot of shit to sort out so he didn't really pay attention to his teammates as people but after the game he started to, and with the latest team post he is in full-flung outward focus mode and there is the beginning seedling not just these are people with distinct emotional needs, but HIS people and his responsibility to take care of.

As a general statement on Heliodor he recognizes they are in flux right now but he thinks they have a pretty strong chance of pulling through and being a cohesive, supportive unit.

So I take it Apollo is not very good with death. What does he think about Aather death/trauma? Do you think he'll 'get used to it' over time?

[andcounting]

Apollo's take on death is... interesting... I wouldn't actually say he's not very good with death, rather that he is extremely comfortable with certain aspects of death, but terrible with loss, and equally terrible with his loved ones being in pain. On the other hand, he has no trouble with corpses or gore, regardless of the level, provided he doesn't have a personal attachment to the people who have been killed.

Ned has the ability to return a dead thing to life with a touch. A second touch results in death again, this time permanent -- and if he doesn't perform that second touch within 60 seconds of the first, something else has to die. (It's an equivalent exchange based on random proximity -- a person for a person, a flower for a strawberry, a pigeon for a squirrel, taken out of whatever/whoever is in range.) Apollo has not yet regained this ability in Aather! (In fact, it is locked while I figure out what to do with it.) He does remember using it, though, and that's where his ability to be casual about the physical aspect of death comes from.

As to Aather death/trauma, he hates it. He will always hate it, because it falls under the category of "loved ones being in pain," which he just... has no idea how to handle. He wants to stop it, or help, and he can't, always. Sometimes he can't even be there. Really, the only thing that could make it worse for him would be if he was the one causing that pain. He can hold it together when it happens, sort of, at least in front of whoever got hurt, but really he can only cope with it by either doing something comforting or shutting down, and he hasn't really worked out how to shut down in Aather, although it's his main coping method in canon.

Maybe at some point in Aather he will "get used to it" in terms of learning how to shut down rather than run around frantically, but I think that Heliodor probably won't let him start shutting down in general, which makes this an unlikely outcome.

Have you had any developments yet with Dirk that have surprised you?

[ironicusername]

HMMM. Not personality development, exactly. I am not expecting Dirk to deviate personality-wise much from canon because a lot of the HS kids have a VERY STRONG internal core of who they are, and this goes double for Dirk. He is and always will be super reflective, so he's the polar opposite of Yuri who tends to repress and dissemble to himself; Dirk pretty much always has a handle on his shit.

His relationships with other people have been pretty surprising, however, especially with Heliodor. He very quickly learned that it could be ok to delegate things. Dirk is used to being in complete control of his circumstances. He refers to himself as the 'puppetmaster' and takes personal responsibility for making sure events happen when and how they're supposed to. He is super on top of his shit. All of the time. And it's not that he DOESN'T trust other people because he does, but he's had a very strange life that has given him purpose which drives 95% of his actions and he is just used to constantly being in Getting Shit Done mode. So the ease with which he has been able to say to himself, "I don't have to worry about this about x member of Heliodor has got this" has been fairly surprising.

Tell me about Apollo being an emotionally open dad figure.

[uneulogized]

Tell me stuff about Dirk and Jason, please.

[ironicusername]

So obviously Dirk was not exactly planning this to happen!! He and Jason hit it off really well in the beginning; it was something of a relief to Dirk to be able to talk to someone and have them respond in more or less the same 'language'. The real first spike of affection/camaraderie was probably when Jason had that line about other people not knowing how to talk. Dirk recognized that Jason was unbelievably shitty at expressing himself for reasons that were very different from his own but there was still that land-in-the-distance feeling of thank god someone I am in close contact with knows how to TALK.

And we don't even need to talk about his line during Dormouse's game about getting Dirk to stick around. You know it was smooth, I know it was smooth.

As for the actual conversation Dirk was kind of fuzzy on what was going on there until it happened. Is this flirting :|a? Are we flirting :/a? I don't know he keeps talking about other shit this is the first time someone has SAID SHIT BACK about me making a sexual comment Oh I guess we're on the roof? It was sort of a 'before he knew it' kind of thing, which doesn't happen to Dork. He's more of a, knew it 3 years before everyone else, wrote a dissertation and published that shit you can look at the date and everything.

IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE that this post marked the point of Dirk switching from inward-focused to outward-focused--paying attention to his teammates as people, cataloging their various quirks. He had too much other shit going on but now he's sort of setting up base, so to speak. So while they were having their pre-makeout dialogue Dirk was doing his best to survey 1). Jason's needs and 2.) His ability to fulfill them without fucking himself over. 3.) His own desires. Which is why he wanted everything out on the table. Also the reason he insisted on being serious the whole time: these are the emotions of two people. It IS serious. Dirk knows he'd be able to handle saying "No, this isn't working" but he is aware it would probably be a huge blow to Jason's already nonexistent self esteem.

As for Jason himself, Dirk is aware that he IS a very sweet person--like pretty much all of his actions and utterances have indicated to Dirk that Jason Cares and is just horrifically shitty at expressing it sometimes and also really fucked up by his emotions and his past. Dirk is, actually, 100% more confident about his ability to handle these things as opposed to the actual relationship between them they got off to a pretty good start and he is pretty determined to pull this off successfully.

Reverse!

[uneulogized]

Jason is a lot of things: impulsive, emotional, and very, very quick to attache to people. This last part wasn't actually in place when he got to Aather, and his memories slowly slotted it into place. However, Jason was in pretty fierce denial of it, because he hadn't really let anyone in. He didn't buy into the whole team thing and while he liked people, he kind of told himself that they wouldn't like him. And then he got a memory that kind of solidly confirmed that teams were bullshit, that opening up to people would get hurt, and he was a failure.

But! That Game happened and there was a lot of tension and people (mostly, Apollo and Alaska, but he was pretty damn honest with Dirk about how he felt about things, which was a first with the team) talked to him in a coherent way that wasn't lecturing and wasn't judging and wasn't telling him how he needed to be. That coincided with him connecting with Dirk in a big way, when he already saw him as someone that he could probably dick around with and not have to worry about the guy hating him for it. The whole "ironic" name thing set that in stone but he wasn't sure yet.

So, yes!

In a big way, he pretty much had to kick aside a lot of his shitty, illogical, irrational behavior and he's ... decided to like his teammates and protect them and stuff. That final decision was made during the room one, so it's his own thing to be more positive. Basically, Alaska got him to stop being a dumbass about stuff and now instead of jumping to negative thoughts, he runs it through a "is this stupid as fuck" kind of meter.

This relates back to Dirk in a number of ways. Jason's willing to talk to him and open up, and where he was before pretty much just interacting with people, he's opening up. The biggest thing aside from what I said above that defines Jason is that he's eager to please. He wants to prove himself and he defines himself in relation to other people. Him telling Dirk about the whole superhero thing kind of rolled out on an impulsive and then the flirting happened and that was kind of an impulse for him to act on, too.

It is a big thing for Jason to be taken seriously and listened to and to have camaraderie. He really wants to matter, and certain people are making him feel that way. The talk they had before they made out was a big thing for Jason and as he gets more memories back, he'll continue to realize how important it is for him to have been put on the same level with someone else. This was someone taking his feelings as if they mattered, and it was someone who clearly got that he had his heart in things a lot more than he tended to let on. For Jason, it's partly "not expressing himself well" and partly "I don't know when I'm expressing something because I'm all in anyway." It hadn't even occurred to Jason to think about what he was going for with Dirk, because while he is a thinker and is incredibly smart, he doesn't always ... think through his ties with people. His head kind of tends to twist things pretty badly, so he's trying not to listen to it.

Because of alllll this, he likes and respects and likes Dirk a lot. He thinks he's pretty damn smart and he actually does want to get to know him. It's not just the physicality of it that he wants to have happen, but he wants to be able to actually have him as a friend. He considers him a friend and something important already, largely because of that chat. There's a part of Jason bracing himself for fucking things up because he sees himself as the type to do that, but he figures Dirk has a good head about things. The fact that he matters a lot, well, matters a lot to Jason.

Apollo took my next question so uh is Dirk going to tell Jake stuff about all this, or is that not something that enters their brocontract?

[ironicusername]

He will probably tell Jake! It's just a question of when. He knows that if he tells him too soon then Jake will use it as an excuse to shut him down in the romance department, which is bad. At this point, he's also kind of unsure about WHAT to tell Jake, too, so he is going to be feeling this thing out to settle his mind about what, exactly, is going on. But Dirk by nature is only as deceptive as he needs to be.

Jason on Jake.

[mapmaking]

Dirk on Rose!

[ironicusername]

/PUNCHES Go pick up the post-game thread with the orange sweaters Dirk needs to ask you a very important question about WHETHER DAVE IS DEAD BACK HOME. Also it is a pretty important formative thread re: Dirk's opinion!!

But I'll do my best in the mean time: Rose is someone Dirk knows was close to his bro so he was automatically curious about her. Her immediate suspicion and rejection hurt, but he could rationalize the feeling behind it so it was kind of... ok.

Post-game obviously Dirk was approaching Rose prepared to have to get into a fight, or even make some concessions, because FRANKLY he wanted to ask about his bro and Rose was the prime candidate! And he was expecting her to chew him out. Instead she was whipping out ALL KINDS of mad subtleties and throwing him off his guard and it kind of turned him on! Not in the sexual sense but the intellectual one. He was like whoa 8D THIS GIRL HAS SOME SKILLS I LIKE IT of course my bro would only hang out with WICKED PREMIUM BITCHES. So: Rose, you're pretty sweet, let's hang.

Reverse!

[threadspinner]

OKAY I DID THE THING!!!

Dirk came at what was probably the worst possible time -- Dave had just left the day before, that day she had just finished taking what is arguably one of the most significant memories she has in canon (aside from Cascade, I'd say) and it totally devastated her. And then there's ANOTHER PERSON WHO LOOKS TOTALLY LIKE DAVE but he's not dave, he's older and cooler and not as dopey or fun to tease, and that...made her really upset! Like oh hey the Aather gods are laughing at my grief yay go me.

But she actually, now that she's talked to him more, thinks that he's really insightful and fun to play around with intellectually -- and she enjoys a good intellectual sparring as much as the next person! So once she got past that she actually doesn't mind him so much.

Dirk on Alaska '-'b

[over_clocked]

IDK THAT I HAVE ANYTHING TO ASK ABOUT OTHER THAN DAVE ON DIRK AGAIN.... NOW THAT INCEST IS D. A THING....

[ironicusername]

DAVE LOVES DIRK....? Because Dirk is his bro. Like, that's legit. That is a thing he is comfortable admitting to sort of. They are unquestionably bros, and somehow, despite Dirk being a probing dick (ha ha ha) he also HELLA trusts him and enjoys spending time with him! Babs' game really cemented both of these aspects: legit have a good time horsing around with bro and LEGIT trust bro to at least not be a complete dick. It's not a complete trust; he will still be afraid that Dirk will override him, but it's a very firm beginning.

That said, he is also kind of scared of Dirk. He definitely already feels like the inferior twin, that Dirk is better in basically every way, and that Dirk can read him like a fucking book. It's uncomfortably exposing. But in a way he also prefers it that way--it takes responsibility away from him, it puts the onus of having a functional relationship on Dirk and all he has to do is be dragged along. It may be unpleasant, but at least it's Dirk making a fool of him, and not him making a fool of himself.

THE INCEST IS.... I think he reached the point where he doesn't REALLY give a fuck, though he'll still squawk about it. But whatever Dirk is to him they're already clearly fucked up so getting laid while being fucked up isn't especially more terrible. He does enjoy the physicality for sure, even though he's not good at communicating with it and is still pretty stilted.

Reverrrrseee now that you know more, Dirk.

[2xcanoodlingkind]

Hrrrm. I'm still kind of feeling my way through Dirk because it's hard playing him as still smart but at a lower emotional intelligence and most importantly, less empathic. Honestly he's not less empathic because he lacks the innate ability to care! But I assume GROWING UP TOTALLY ALONE sort of stunted his ability to actually feel emotions. So he registers 'this is bad' much more clearly than he registers 'this is sad'.

I kind of imagine that at some point as he was growing up, probably not long after he started communicating with the kids, he realized his general lack of affect - not just not expression emotion but rarely really feeling it - was weird. BEING DIRK he just decided that lacking such an obviously important thing was not down and actually set about HOW TO FEEL MORE. And because he isn't a sociopath just a hugely neglected but intelligent kid, he was pretty successful. He's always gonna be a chill mother fucker but he hit a point where he could resonate with other people's emotions and, importantly!!, use that ability to better understand/manipulate them.

So anyway, that's what he is lacking rn with Dave. He cares that Dave's only memory is SHIT and he can tell there is some kind of... wall with Dave that he doesn't understand?? (Because he can't yet empathize with insecurity) but he's still overall lacking that ability to really emotionally connect. He cares a lot! In his own stilted and fucked up way. Just. There is a lack of truly syncing up for him and it's frustrating as fuck. But again frustration in a sort of weak ass like "I guess I need to work harder at this" without anything truly emotional about it.

The problem is he doesn't really know HOW to work harder at it. He probes because he figures he needs info, and that is true! But he still doesn't really get how to use that info. He basically doesn't understand what is wrong. If Dave were himself a more emotive person he would be faster about making the jump of OH THERE ARE A LOT OF FEELINGS HAPPENING HERE >> I don't understand feelings >> I need to understand feelings. But he doesn't really get how emotional Dave truly is. That he cares about a lot of things! Yes! But not the degree to which there is a turbulent sea of feels under that chill as veneer at all times.

So yeah rn he is still trying to figure out what is missing and what he needs to do. Once he figures out THAT he can start on Dave's one million other issues but atm Dirk's own emotionally stunted nature is the primary road block. This means that even though he can objectively read Dave, he doesn't really understanding what he is reading. DAVE'S DEATH WAS HORRIBLE AND THAT IS BAD SO I WILL FIX IT. Ok. Even DAVE'S DEATH WAS HORRIBLE AND HE WANTS TO AVOID TALKING ABOUT IT. Ok. But not like. DAVE'S DEATH WAS HORRIBLE FIRMLY CEMENTED IN HIM A SENSE OF TOTAL FAILURE THAT WILL HAUNT HIM FOREVER.

It's going to be a while before he really gets what is up with Dave.

Ruby on his newest memory...