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[ironicusername]

To reward myself on finals well done I think I am gonna write some more essays.

Question meme for Yuri Lowell and Dirk Strider

I also play Dave Strider at Decollage and Thusia if anyone wants to ask about him!

Comments

[wouldntkilladragon]

Nnnnnnnot the best impression at the moment, no. The problem is Dirk managed to hit quite a number of Rider's pings all at once. Right now, Rider is mostly dependent on Apollo for his sanity and it's bridging on Toothless levels. (Hiccup and Toothless are unhealthily codependent.) And Dirk was hurting his major dere thing, ignoring his worried pleas (which didn't go so well in the memory), and by extension, made him feel useless, which is pretty much a negative soul ping.

Admittedly, the tackle would have probably happened either way, but the venomous statements were very much because Rider is in a bad place. He wanted to hurt Dirk because being nice didn't work. He said the worst thing he could think of because he was just that mad and since sincere pleas didn't work, he lashed out. There was a major release of bitter anger in the memory and Rider is kind of feeling that still.

Which is why he hasn't apologized yet. He feels bad and he knows he SHOULD, but because he feels bitter at everything and also kind of wants to make things worse for himself, he doesn't feel he can. And he can't apologize insincerely. It's just a lot of negative feelings he doesn't honestly know how to deal with. Self doubt and hate he knows! Being angry and bitters at others is not, especially when it's misdirected bitter and anger.

There's also a part of him that's kind of afraid of Dirk. The idea of someone being okay with actually breaking a part of someone, even if it's supposed to be positive, terrifies him. It's one thing to try and change people, but doing that just seems to say to him 'I do not like this part of you, it should not exist' and to not give someone that choice to get rid of it just rubs him the wrong way all over.

Before all this he did rather like Dirk. In a casual way. He was smart and he knew cool things that Rider liked! But they never had a real personal connection? Partially because Rider has no idea what to make of him, really. He seemed rational and level headed, but kind of quiet a lot. He liked him well enough, but not enough to make it easier to overcome all the negative that got directed at Dirk because of bad timing and pings.

And because Rider doesn't think he deserves nice things right now, he doesn't think he should even try to fix it. Thus, yes, he's running away, so really, Dirk should keep shoving things in his face until he stops being dumb. Because he will continue to be dumb on his own.

Due to the negative stuff, the yelling didn't really help. Not yet, at any rate. It might ninja at him from the back of his mind, but Rider kind of already knew he was running away. People have told him to face his past, to move on from it, and he knows he should. It's just hard to do it and he knows he's being a coward. Dirk just didn't really say anything new. And he didn't do it in a way that was more affective than what others said.

What DID Dirk think of him because Rider's emotions exploded?

[clocked_out]

He really didn't know what to think! It kind of threw him, to be honest. Totally not expecting it. But if anything it's an impulse he approves of. You should absolutely be willing to fuck bitches up to protect what you think is right. And even if Rider had been less of a basket case they probably would not have reached agreement on it so Dirk is like eh oh well. He knows it is indicative of Rider's totally bananas emotional state so that's bad, but anger is better than depression so he has no problem evoking it.

If he talks him again tho he will legit probably punch him in the face.

Does Rider have any other signegs waiting in the wings?

[wouldntkilladragon]

Out of his current pile? No,they're all positive except one Neutral-Sig, but even that is kind of muted since Rider already knows they weren't exactly accurate on what they thought about dragons.

As for other memories, oooooh yes. Hiccup's life is not a pleasant one for the most part, even if it's not 'village was set on fire, killing everyone, and everything ever is always terrible' level. Mostly just the constant rejection by everyone he ever knew. There's still some terrible left over from the movie and then there's Riders of Berk, with his and Toothless near deaths, Mildew's existence, Alvin trying to kidnap him for warfare, plus there's still a season and a half to go and possible two sequels depending on how Hiccup ages. So plenty of negatives with significant impact.

But there's nothing likely to be AS BAD as this one. Most other times, there is some sliver of hope that should be easy to pick up on. Either because Rider will know he survives because leg or because there's usually some obvious support during Riders of Berk. So nothing will crush him quite as thoroughly. The worst at moment is the memory where he realizes HE'S the one who disabled Toothless, but that's more 'I'm the most terrible friend EVER' instead of crushing all his hopes and dreams.

Any memories you're excited for Dirk to get?

[ironicusername]

I am excited for Dirk to get the one memory where he draws cuddleporn for an alien, just so he can show it to people and they can be like wtf is this girls eating cake then rubbing each other's tummies??? And an angry alien threatening to kill someone what. OTHER THAN THAT, there is nothing I am PARTICULARLY excited for, which is not to say that I'm un-excited. But most of Dirk's memories are kind of shitty and sad; even the ones that aren't immediately sad are sad if you stare at them too hard. HIS WHOLE LIFE IS KIND OF A STUDY IN FRIDGE HORROR. I want him to get more Dave memories but those don't exist in canon yet 8|;; And It will be funny when he remembers Jake and him utterly failing at dating in canon.

Hiccup's feelings on Heliodor? In general or specifically, take your pick.

[wouldntkilladragon]

Rider absolutely ADORES Heliodor. Hiccup in general is someone who feels fond for people easily, despite all sanity saying otherwise. Such as Hiccup still really loved Berk even though 99.9% of the people were jerks or ignored him. Also raised in the tribe mentality. So it wasn't hard to get SUPER ATTACHED to Heliodor since everyone was just really nice to him and gave a flip about him. There was a feeling of being uncomfortable for a while because of that since that sort of attention was very, very recent for Hiccup. Even know, Rider has a hard time not having a paranoia that it will all suddenly vanish because when does he get nice things, he doesn't get nice things that easily.

He's trying to get himself to accept it fully, though. It's part of why he's taken up doing what Marine and other toppy girls would do and is just saying 'Heliodor is here, we love you, and we think you're important' because he doesn't want that feeling to go away. And he does believe that applies to all of Heliodor, just...not...him. He knows it's crazy, he even admitted it to Apollo, it's just hard to overcome.

Even though Heliodor has shifted, the people are still kinder than what is his default norm. They're awkward, they don't know how to talk, they don't have energy, but they also don't completely reject people and they do show signs that they care for the most part. (Part of Rider's problem with Dirk is he hasn't been able to see Dirk caring, since Dirk usually steps back when others do what he wants. He's seen FRIENDLY, but that's not the same as CARING) He's kind of terrified that they might break though because so many of them seem more delicate than older Heliodor's.

But overall, he just...he loves them. He loves them so much. Like if given a choice between living with Berk or Heliodor, he would choose Heliodor if he absolutely had to choose. (Unless Toothless is with Berk, in which case Toothless trumps everyone forever.) He just doesn't know how to deal with all these feels and now he's worried he'll break them and is just very much 'what do' most of the time right now.

For personal connections, Apollo is top person, no question. He even tops Tsuruume, even though she was actually top person before she was dropped. Apollo just gets dad feels at Rider and it's one of those things Rider has always wanted since his and Stoick's relationship is kind of super broken. It makes him awkward, but it makes him happy. Apollo has also been super supportive, even when Rider does some really, really dumb stuff. Apollo helped him through his White Mage quest, which he ultimately needed because those were terrible memories. Apollo is literally the only person who has only been kind to Rider that Rider fully believes he cares without doubt. And as I mentioned before, Apollo is getting close to Toothless levels of dere and dependency. Toothless still trumps! But just barely.

As for people who aren't always nice, it's actually Jason that's Rider's second favorite person. Rider can't trust all nice! He can't have nice things! So when people are mean, it's easier for him to trust them. And Jason is kind of a jerk and hostile, but Rider feels like he knows more or less where he stands with Jason. He feels like he can trust Jason, though that did take a blow with that game. He wants to support Jason, but he also doesn't think total support really helps people? Rider does dumb things, but he knows they're dumb, and he tries to consider the affects of it later when people call him out on it. He worries about Jason a lot, but he also really likes him.

Already talked about Dirk.

He needs to thread more with Sora, but overall he likes Sora? Sora is pretty straight forward and cares and Sora was also the one who saw him with Toothless monster. He really appreciated the support, but Sora has that 'he's too nice' thing so Rider just subconsciously waits for the other shoe to drop. But Sora has the old Heliodor energy which Rider adores.

He worries about Sion and Serin. He knows they're not connecting well, but he's not sure how, or if he CAN, help them feel better. They're nice people, not so good with feelings, and he wants to help. Just more what do.

For older Heliodors, he did love them so. He didn't get much time with Jet or Sherlock, but they were nice girls. Liked them well enough. Zimmy was cool and they were being newbies and she had some grump. She was interesting and he liked talking with her. Heart was a giant dinosaur...and he was a giant reptile. He just loved reptiles. And he could maybe make stuff for him and there was talk of pack, and that was cool!

Marine was really supportive, but also fulfilled that 'girl who punches me' role that was making him relax more around her. All that energy and she's the one who taught him that sometimes you just need to hug people when they're sad.

TK was his amputee buddy who he could learn about science things from! Also that energy. He always felt he could kind of get TK when it came to more moral things? Also bad decision trains. Mostly he hit what's shounen in Rider.

And Tsuruume was his top person because she was tsundere, so he relaxed around her. He felt he could just talk to her after a certain point. If talking didn't work, she dragged him out for something more physical. She was grumpy, but she was also patient with him. She didn't back off, but she also managed to never truly corner him in a way that made him want to withdraw completely. Cornering him is always better than backing off though. Tsuruume just managed to hit the perfect amount to keep him always responsive. She had the Astrid mix. Which is why he had that break down when she left with Apollo.

What does Dirk think of Heliodor?